I Hold On

Hey guys, it’s been a wild week and I feel like a gypsy right now. I first was going to start out by saying: these last few months have been interesting for me.

But – scratch that.

My entire life has been interesting. Not that I have done anything special or have traveled anywhere spectacular, but my entire life story began on September the 21st of 1984.

I grew up in the country with just myself and my parents, we never had a lot of money and we never went on vacations, but what I did have growing up was a yard full of flowers, the smell of afternoon bar-b-que chicken on the grill, a couple of small mix-breed mutts running around the yard, cold winter nights cuddling up in the bed watching America Funniest Videos, (which made me the best outside antenna turner in the south) and waking up on the morning of my birthdays every year to my mom singing ‘happy birthday’ with a store-bought walmart cake and a few fabulous gifts circled around me.

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Fast forward to this past Monday as I celebrated my 31st birthday. Laying in bed alone, with thoughts of: “will this be the last birthday I get to share with my mother?!” “Is this the last year in my adult hood, I’ll be waiting for my birthday phone call to hear the over joy singing coming from the other end of the receiver?!”. “Will this be the last year I’ll get to eat my Walmart sheet cake, with all 3 of us together?!”

– Yes, you could imagine the tears the morning of my birthday.

(I honestly don’t know what was worse, writing a thank you post the last night I was 30 on my mothers cancer benefit or driving her to the airport the day after my 31st birthday for the first round of poison that would be running through her veins)

As the day went on it wasn’t much better, as I watched my mom ‘secretly forcing’ herself to get up and bring me to lunch. I just knew it wasn’t a good day for her, as much as she tried to hide her pain.

“Mom really it’s ok, we really don’t have to go anywhere.”

As hard-headed as she has always been, I processed to drive her to a small bed and breakfast called “The Booker Lewis”. This peaceful spot was cozy and peaceful just her and I sitting there that day.

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It was a very quiet lunch and most of it we spent glazing out the window we were sitting by.

*When your mother is dying of cancer through the days of your birthday, there are no words.

I will however, always remember what I hold on to and that are the memories.

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Once we were back and had her resting, I wanted her to start reading this blog as you all are reading now, because if it wasn’t for my mother I would never be opening up to the world and sharing my heart with all of you. Watching her lay there reading my blog, I started realizing that it doesn’t matter if it’s the day of your birthday or holidays – it will always change from the next but what needs to be constant is that you share everyday together, as if it was your last.

Life really is magic and you never know what you’re going to get. The greatest days and memories in your life can quickly turn to the unexpected as crazy as it my be – try to treasure and snap as many pictures as you can. Forget how people will judge you, they do that anyway.

Through my parents I hold on to so many great memories and I’ll never be able to thank them enough for that. I just know whatever happens in my future, I’ll somehow have to pass that baton down to my son.

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In the meantime, I encourage all of you to do something for yourself. Even if it takes you a few trys to figure out your groove, you won’t regret it. Learn from the moments you have failed at. Take if from someone who isn’t perfect and has had many fair shares of struggles, some self-inflicted and overs I’ve had no control over. There will always be time for the judging eyes later.

So thanks to my parents, my sweet mommy. I wouldn’t be doing something that I look forward to doing and that’s now blogging our journey together and hopefully one day I’ll be sharing what I’ve always wanted to do through fashion and beauty.

 

hold on to whatever you can. Past. Present. Or future

kacie

Posted by

Hey Peeps! I'm Kacie, a 30 something year old dreamer with a love of all things. I'm a shy and very quiet girl from Louisiana. I grew up on a farm in the middle of watermelon fields and dirt roads. However, it was in the middle of those roads where my journey began as a child. I would like to think that I can always return to where I’m from when life is overwhelming. I enjoy baking, gardening, eating, photography, & all things country-related. I’m also a cradle Catholic who enjoys learning more about Catholicism. God has put my Faith to the test on several different occasions throughout my life. I’m a caregiver to my mother and this is where starting a blog began.

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