Jibber Jabber

Hey peeps!! Wow what a few days I’ve had. 33 to be exact. I won’t bore you with the exact hours and minutes. You’re welcome.

I will however, tell you what the last few words I wrote the night before my moms surgery. It went something like this …

I’m scared. Not knowing what’s going to happen to my mother. She doesn’t look good. How will she live through this. I don’t even want to look at her little body, it’s getting to hard for me to bare. I’m watching her die a slow, painful death right here infront of me. HARSH, I know but reality and negativity can be DA-DA-DA-Devil!!

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But then as we were making it through the long hours of the waiting room and finally making it into the consultant room, the words I started writing today went a little something like this ….

Blessed. Blessed beyond measures in this moment.

I have watched my mom suffer for weeks, days, nights, hours and minutes. Planning her own funeral and telling me what songs she wanted played. Having to bare through the words of her saying she wanted a closed casket. Waiting through the same days and nights of repeating questions of: are you ok? Hang in there a few more days! Please make it through the weekend! Here take some more pain medicine. It will be ok mom, we will get through it.

Somehow through God, prayers and many nights on my knees, that is exactly what we are doing. Just waiting on Gods time, not ours.

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Until today. September the 1st. What I would like to call a day of celebration. We still don’t know what the future holds day-by-day or what the chemo will bring, (Or as my dad would like to say: ” we aren’t out of the woods yet but we walking through the thicket”) but I do know that the O’ Mighty God above was holding the doctors and nurses hands in the OR. I do know he was with the staff who prayed over us and he was hearing all of the family and friends prayers today, as we waited to hold my mothers.

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Walking out of the consultant room for the second time around with a surgery that was suppose to happen 2 weeks ago, I now know what it’s like to walk by faith.

The doctor assured us: “it’s ok, breathe”. Happy tears came pouring down from a man who loves his wife unconditionally. A daughter who thanked a women for saving her mothers life. Walking out I wanted to run up and down the halls blasting “how great is our God”, holding pom-poms, complete with a sandwich cart full of cheeseburgers ready for my mom to dive into.

You think I’m kidding. I’m not.

Before any of this came upon us, I was often lost and had a “heavy heart” with life. God has put my parents and myself here for a reason. All we had to do was trust.

Trust. Surrender. Believe. Receive.

I can tell you this little lady of ours lights up our life and everyone she comes in contact with, she is so special and I’m so lucky to call her my mom.

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Here is a little funny: as my dad and I were walking in to see her she was still HIGHLY Medicated and was just a crying. She processed to say this: “the doctors didn’t cut it all out, they wasn’t able to get everything off my ovaries and I still have my tumors.”

I said: mom, it’s all gone. They took it all out.

She then looks at me and says: NO WAY, REALLY?!! Awe man what a great day Kacie!

Bless her heart.

Below is a picture of my dad explaining what they took out of her and reassuring her heart.

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Xoxo

Kacie Carlson

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Hey Peeps! I'm Kacie, a 30 something year old dreamer with a love of all things. I'm a shy and very quiet girl from Louisiana. I grew up on a farm in the middle of watermelon fields and dirt roads. However, it was in the middle of those roads where my journey began as a child. I would like to think that I can always return to where I’m from when life is overwhelming. I enjoy baking, gardening, eating, photography, & all things country-related. I’m also a cradle Catholic who enjoys learning more about Catholicism. God has put my Faith to the test on several different occasions throughout my life. I’m a caregiver to my mother and this is where starting a blog began.

3 thoughts on “Jibber Jabber

  1. Hi you guys, what a touching tribute to the Mercy of God and the Strength of Love and Family. You have such a beautiful way with words Kacie….Tears of joy are rolling here too…We can’t wait to see you all back home here with us and tell you mom and day they look great…Hallelujah, Hallelujah!
    Keep us posted.

    Love you Aunt Pam and Uncle John

    Like

  2. Kacie, what a wonderful tribute to our God who is able to do all things! Nothing is too hard for our God and He always has a plan for good in each of our lives. So thankful for what God is doing!
    Your blog is such an awesome idea! You express yourself so well. This will be very healing for you . Will continue to pray.

    Like

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